We were talking about Shakespeare in English class and the tradition of throwing tomatoes when the actors are bad. Well it turns out, back then people thought tomatoes were poisonous, and so people would aim at the actors mouth and try to kILL THEM WHEN THEY WERE BAD AT ACTING OMG
My dad would tell me that when we were little and people would say to him “wow, four daughters, that’s a lot of weddings to pay for” (because traditionally the bride’s family would pay for the wedding), my dad would respond with “well, we’re hoping at least one of them will be gay so we can split the cost with the other bride’s family” He said people never knew how to respond
Dad:" You know what stinks single guys like me paying for birth control so a chick won't have a kid."
Me:" Oh what do you know about birth control."
Dad:" That it keeps whores from getting pregnant."
Me:*slams hands on table*" SHUT UP YOU DON'T KNOW A FUCKING THING DO YOU THINK THAT'S THE ONLY THING IT DOES?!? DO YOU? WITHOUT THAT SHIT I WOULD STILL BE BLEEDING OUT OF MY VAGINA NON-STOP SINCE JANUARY AND ITS NOT LIKE I ASKED TO HAVE THAT HAPPEN."
Dad:" Yeah but I shouldn't have to pay for it."
Me:" Do you not realize that without insurance my birth control would be $100 not $25, do you know that I have to spend $30 on pads and tampons every three months. NO you didn't"
Dad:" Yeah but-."
Me:" I wasn't done , men get condoms, Viagra, penis pumps and all that other shit for FREE."
Dad:" We do?"
Me:" Yeah so next time you fucking vote or bitch about something you don't know about think about this for a sec maybe instead of paying for it maybe it should be free BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE TO HAVE SEX BUT I'M FORCED TO PUT UP WITH PART OF MY UTERUS FALLING OUT OF ME ."
Dad:"......" * Intense look of fear.*
Mom:* Laughs from the hallway and high fives me later.*
remember this show where this one dude had to guess what is he smelling and he put his nose into someones asshole and went “smells like ass” and the commentator went “correct” and this dude did the funniest expression ever. wheres that gif